Dear Mr. Criminal Person who decided to steal everything of value out of our car this evening: Thank you. I for one appreciate your reminder that mankind, at its core, is NOT fundamentally good natured. Now, I know you’re probably not going to actually USE the stuff you took, and are probably just going to go pawn it off at your first opportunity, so allow me to help you out. The Canon Digital Rebel XT is a fantastic camera, and you shouldn’t accept less than $800 for it, or the pawn shop guy is ripping you off. Lucky for you, you also got the 75-300mm lens I keep with it. Now, I got it for a bargain price, but you should be able to fetch $300 or so for it, easy. You should get about the same for that flash unit, too – it’s a genuine Canon external flash. Those 2-gig memory cards? Eh – 30 bucks each or so… you know how technology is. You did, however, luck out with the TomTom – it’s worth $300 too… good pick. I do have a few bits of bad news for you, though… you managed to leave your greasy fingerprints ALL over my recently-cleaned window… many of them are very clear, too. Also, keep in mind that now that that FasTrak tag you boosted has been reported as stolen, it’s going to flag you if you decide to use it. Just want to make sure you’re careful, after all. Thanks for ruining what was a very enjoyable evening, what with going to see Bob Sagat and everything.

To the managers of the 5th and Mission Parking Garage: So, you can spring for technology to let me know how many spots are open on a given floor (granted, it’s almost never ACCURATE) but you can’t manage to spring for a few security cameras? You’re next to the SONY FREAKING METREON. You’re the biggest garage in the city, for crying out loud. The 7-Eleven down the street has probably FIVE security cameras. I hardly think it would have broken the bank.

Dear world: F██k you.

I was never really hopeful that anything would be done… but good lord. I can file a police report all day long, but that contains no EVIDENCE of anything. No, the evidence is still sitting on the window of my car, taunting me. However, according to the crime scene investigation unit I was told to call, the District Attourney won’t even PROCESS fingerprints unless the car was stolen, and then used in a DIFFERENT crime. I know this because the poor lady who WORKED THERE had her car stolen, and when it was found, she was told there was nothing they could do, even though there’s evidence all over the car.

FasTrak was similarly helpful. They have a system DESIGNED to flag the license plate of a car that uses a tag reported as stolen… but will they use it to help the police catch the criminal? Of course not. There’s the possibility I could persuade the police department to require them to surrender that information, but honestly, the level of apathy I’m dealing with it maddening.

And in the meanwhile, I still have those freaking prints all over my window. I’m told, of course, that they mean approximately squat. However, there’s a part of me, and it’s a big part, that wants to find the equipment to, and learn how to, dust for prints. And then, take those prints, and find some way, legal or not, of accessing that police database. And then finding whoever it is, going over to his house, and beating the ever-loving shit out of him.

Why do we bother having laws? Why is it illegal to steal something from someone else, when apparently even leaving a large amount of evidence will let you walk away untouched? I guess that’s good news for me – I’ll just go find the nearest car with some visible equipment in it and break in and steal the stuff. Hell – why not steal the car ITSELF? As long as I don’t use it in a crime, the police apparently don’t give a rats ass. That’s the message they’re sending me, after all. I’ll make sure to leave tons of prints, too. Just so someone else can share in my misery.